MANY SPIRITUAL traditions teach that the past is gone. It is the essence of Christianity (practice forgiveness) and of Buddhism (live in the here and now). But when we look up at the stars at night, we are seeing ancient light. When we gaze into the night sky we are looking into the distant past, seeing light that has taken millions of years to reach our eyes -- but we experience it in this moment.

An astrological chart works much the same way. We look at the positions of the planets, which are so influential today, and are looking at a configuration that existed years ago and will never repeat. When planets make aspects to these positions today -- even though they no longer "exist" -- there are definite, predictable reactions, events and responses. We would do well to question how this works, but the answer might be that what we think of as reality is part of the same "grand illusion" as astrology.

Factors that were present at the time of our birth can and do reach into the present and immediate reality. The past and the present have an unusual relationship in astrology, and you are experiencing something of that relationship right now. Awareness of the past seems to be taking you ever-deeper into the present; the more you stand firmly in the here and now, the more aware of the past you are becoming.

At the same time, as you become familiar with where you are now, and the unique properties of this moment, the choices that will lead you to the future will become both obvious and inviting.

As of this writing in the early part of the year, you do seem to be on a quest. It seems on one level a quest for understanding, and on another, a means of reaching the foundations of your true self. Yet at the same time, there is another image of you seeking something in the distant past, perhaps some experience or memory, specifically so you can let go of it.

The pattern is interesting to consider. Venus, the planet most associated with Libra (the ruler), is retrograde. That is a reference to the past. Then, it's in the sign Capricorn, which suggests the same thing. Capricorn is your 4th solar house, which is a picture of the past as it affects us in the present.

Finally, the South Node of the Moon is in Libra; the South Node has everything to do with the past, but also letting go of the past. And the ruler of that node, Venus, is on its unusual mission in Capricorn.

I am aware that some people reading this are going to say, "Hmmmm, this has nothing to do with me" (this is always true). However, with four separate factors pointing to the same thing, which would be impressive even working with your exact birth time and place, something interesting is up, and I invite you to do some research. Consider who is around in your life, who has resurfaced, and what subject matter is making itself known.

Going deeper, there is a strictly emotional experience of existence associated with this transit. I would not call it nostalgia, though to some it may feel that way; there may be issues involved, and Capricorn is always a good place to go looking for situations that have left residual guilt in our lives.

It looks on one level like you're working to keep your roots clean; to purge certain family influences; or generally, to get a better understanding about the truth of your past. But this will help you understand what you believe today, and why.

Beneath your even-handed and tolerant personality is a deep sense of how the world should be. The beliefs that support your identity and way of life are hidden like the foundation and beams of a finished building. You cannot usually see them, but they are there.

I would call it a quest -- a quest for yourself, so that you can have yourself now. And what may you do with this personal truth?


The Risk of Experience

Chiron now making its way into your 5th solar house -- Aquarius -- is leading you into some bold territory, and giving you the courage of a child. Children don't want to know things in theory; they want to go and see for themselves. Whether it's Disneyworld or an abandoned factory, kids want to go into the place and look around, even if it's a little dangerous.

You may have the quality of having intellectualized such desires in the past, or expressing your curiosity in the world of ideas. And while you've come quite a long way toward getting out of the conceptual world and into the physical and sensory one, Chiron is guiding you toward a new, full-time approach to life that seems determined to teach you to dare.

One thing you will dare to do is challenge all your old theories. And challenging those theories will free you to actually live on the physical plane in a new way. But I suggest you not convince yourself you're tending toward any kind of extreme. There are some people who feel that squishing their toes in the mud is going way too far; you're going to go a lot further than that.

This may be in creative endeavors, or it may involve sexuality; the chances are, both. There are some aspects of life where ideas are simply not enough, and these are two of them. In the process, you'll have many fine opportunities to unravel your personal inhibitions and crystallized places -- and this is part of the journey of exploration that often feels very good. As the barriers dissolve that have held back your energy, and as you feel the first satisfaction of having tried and dared and gone for it, or the experience of getting to a new level of self-expression, the release of energy can be nothing short of exquisite, and you have lots of that to look forward to.

But there is another side to the creative journey that's just as valuable and may -- at first -- seem less pleasant: and that is encountering the fear of judgment and non-approval by society. This can show up as guilt, fear of rejection by friends and even a struggle over whether what you are doing is "legal."

When you get into this territory, consider it a sure sign you're making progress. I know it's uncomfortable, but as soon as you encounter that strange inner barb that what you are doing, what you're saying, or what you're creating, is taboo or somehow inappropriate, that's your evidence that you're not faking it.

Encountering this fear could be viewed, from a personal standpoint, as precisely the reason we endeavor to do art or expand our sexual horizons: to find out those places within ourselves where we're stuck, held back or containing energy. As we change and free these spaces within us, the world may indeed respond, and we may indeed succeed at changing the world -- but in fact, changing yourself is changing the world.

However, what you are doing is not merely an artistic endeavor in a studio somewhere. First, Neptune's long, long transit through your 5th house has suggested two things: that you have had many ideas and inspirations, and secondarily, that you have had nearly as many opportunities to sacrifice them to work that was more important at the time. But they are not lost; Chiron's presence will unlock a vast reservoir or visionary energy. And, not coincidentally, help you deliver it where it needs to go.


Finding your Niche

Saturn making a two-year transit to your 11th house -- of friends, your social vision and the rewards of your work -- suggests that what you do in these years, starting immediately, will go a long way toward opening up that special place you need to be, to do the thing you need to be doing.

From this, it is clear why you are being granted such a large allocation of creative and erotic experimentation: it's necessary and it will help you get where you need to be.

Saturn through this house makes it abundantly clear who our friends are and who they are not. You may be surprised at who turns out to be loyal, supportive and broad-minded; sometimes the most innovative people come in the most ordinary packaging. This is as likely to hold true for individuals as for organizations.

Yet wherever you may find yourself, the urgent message of this transit is that you must find a new strength when it comes to being uncompromising on your creative values and visions. You may feel a temptation to change people or things; all you need to do is be yourself. That may involve changing to some extent, but more likely it means persisting, regardless of whether anyone else feels you or your ideas are "legitimate" or proper.

You very likely tried to do this as a child; you may have succeeded to some extent. But now, you are no longer a child, you have considerably more power, and you have a lot more to say. Moreover, there are many more reasons for you to say it; indeed, you may be feeling a call to serve, participate and share that far exceeds anything you've ever felt, and which will allow you to rise above any fears you may encounter in the process.

Think of it this way: what you must seek is not acceptance or cooperation but merely communication. I suggest you refine your message and make sure you view every gesture of your life as a form of communication.


Personal Encounters

It is in these contexts that you will find your most meaningful personal relationships. In recent months, indeed the last half of 2005 and beyond, you may have noticed that the people you've been attracting have had a very different temperament than before. Something that was concealed on the inside has suddenly made its way to the surface, and the motives of people are becoming increasingly transparent.

There is certainly a compelling energy where relationships are concerned -- and you will, it seems, have some extraordinarily interesting encounters that impact you deeply, and help you figure out who you are. You will have just as much impact on the people close to you, or who seek connections with you. Indeed, certain people and situations are quite compelling now, perhaps too compelling at times, and you have reason to take things one step at a time. Of course, given how driven you may feel to seek experience or how drawn into certain relationships you may be, that may not be possible, in which case you are just going to need to take the ride, have fun and keep your eyes open.

Remember that while there may be no going back on certain situations, nothing is written in stone, nor made of stone. You always have options. And the best part is, you can always make more.