Aunt Josie Forever
This week, my Godmother and Great Aunt Josie -- Josephine E. Sharp -- would have been 100 years old. I can hear her laughing: an entire century! How about that!
Josie died at the age of 90, in the summer of 1994. She lived a long time. She walked to the store every day, even if it took a while. She lived through World Wars I and II, the Cold War, Korea, Vietnam, the secret Central American war, and the Persian Gulf War. She thought war was a bad idea.
Aunt Josie was my Godmother in the Roman Catholic tradition -- the person who held me when I was baptised, and who took responsibility for being my mother in the event of my mother's absence. When my mother moved on, which happened when I was pretty young, Aunt Josie was there with love, vigilance and protectiveness that I am only beginning to recognise the depth and value of lately.
Among many other things, I have her to thank for the fact that I get to be a writer every day. Specifically, because she was generous with me, I got to keep a focus on public service and never had to sell out, abandon my principles or stop writing about what was truly important to me and what I thought was truly important to the world. While I always had to make my own way, I had both moral and economic support at critical times, and the knowledge that there was always someone who took me, my life and my work seriously. Looking back, it was deeply reassuring to know that there was at least one other person operating from the same basic set of principles.
I don't know how my life would have played out otherwise -- I am not especially optimistic, because I had some pretty serious compromises to deal with -- but I can tell you that there is a direct association between her generosity of heart and my ability, in the most practical sense, to state the obvious. I have done my best to keep the habit.
Josie was an interesting blend of a person who was absolutely faithful and someone who had no illusions about the world, or rather, only the occasional illusion, which she seemed to always learn from. She had faith in people and would scrupulously look for their more wholesome aspects, even if she didn't trust them.
I realised only today that she was born the year of the Green Dragon, which happens once every 60 years. I've never given her chart a close look, but I think she's the essence of an Aries with a Scorpio Moon. Determined, and dauntless. We agreed on many things: useless politicians, the importance of flannel sheets, how weird food was getting; and we disagreed on queerness, marijuana and cast iron frying pans. We both had our modern and old fashioned streaks, I guess, but of those issues by far the most controversial between us and the only one discussed more than once was the frying pan issue. Teflon was her thing. She loved my gay friends. Pot makes me pretty sick.
She was an avid, daily reader of The New York Times -- every day except for Sunday, that is. When Michael Winerip wrote his first article about me in that newspaper (in the "On Sunday" column, so I had to call her and tell her to get the paper) he gave a little background on my first publishing venture, Student Leader News Service, and wrote Josie into history:
"In 1989, as a graduate student, he founded Student Leader News Service, covering the state and city university systems. It was really just Mr Coppolino, a computer that his Aunt Josie bought him, and three buddies who worked the phones in exchange for a place to sleep. They did good journalism."
Aunt Josie in the Times! That was a good laugh and a great way to say thank you.
One of the reasons my relationship with Aunt Josie is so monumental is because it was a relationship that was about me, not her. That was how she viewed it, that was the practical reality, and it's only something that I'm beginning to understand now. As a child, I was surrounded by people, particularly women, who deigned to be the epicentre of reality, or to make someone else the epicentre. I had, despite this, one example of a woman for whom our entire relationship was based on the idea that I actually count. In the life of a child, one example is very, very important because it means that something is possible.
As I think back on some of our conversations in the few times she let on what she was thinking, it was clear that she saw the problems around me and, seeing them, did her best to mitigate what she could. My sense, today, is that she felt she could not do enough, because she couldn't actually give me what I was actually missing. If she was judgmental of these people, it was only because she was seeing (and feeling) the obvious, and she gave it up quickly. Most important, her generosity was always presented in a spirit of love, not concern. While many of her gifts were material, that was not the point.
There were some funny moments, and more miracles than I even remember. She had a way of being standing by the phone about to call me when I called her. That was always good for a laugh. With that, we had a silent understanding that spirit was operating between us. It was just obvious. I don't think we talked about it once.
There was one school year when I needed $2,500 to finish the year. So she wrote a cheque. About a week later, it was time for the annual bazaar raffle at St Columba RC Church, of which Aunt Josie was something of a devotee. The raffle prize was $10,000, and she split the ticket with a neighbour.
At the time of the drawing, she was sitting with the parish priest, her dear friend Monsignor Jolley. At the moment of the drawing, she turned and whispered in his ear, "If I win, I'm giving half of it to the church." They pulled her ticket, first prize. Half went to her friend, half of the remainder went to the church, and the remaining $2,500 covered what she had just given me to complete my year in school. We got a good laugh out of that.
But long before, she would work her wonders. Her care packages, consisting of various treats and her truly famous oatmeal cookies, would arrive at the offices of Generation magazine at SUNY Buffalo on a regular basis. She knew I have little taste for sweets of any kind (though her oatmeal cookies were an exception, and she would leave out most of the sugar from the original recipe). I was the editor, and the latest package would always be open on my desk, with orange slices, marshmallows, postage stamps and so on available for Genoids to indulge in.
Years later, when I told her their arrival was a popular event among the staff, she said that was the whole point: she thought her packages would be helpful to me politically. She was listed as Guardian Angel in the Generation masthead and became a mythical figure among the staff. When she was about 80, she took car service to Penn Station, got on an Amtrak and made the trip from New York City to Buffalo. I can still hear Elizabeth Friedrich (the one and only Friedie), our production manager, letting out a spontaneous "Hallelujah! Aunt Josie's here!" when Josie finally arrived in the Generation offices one day. Another good laugh; Aunt Josie loved that moment and she loved Friedie.
Aunt Josie did not have children. I don't know why -- it was very likely biological. She was married; her husband, Howard Sharp, was a beautiful, kind and funny man -- a genuinely decent man. He seemed to be seven feet tall and was red like an Indian with enormous hands and feet. He was part Native American, I think. They met singing around the piano at the YMCA, and were extraordinarily important people in my father's life, travelling with him as a kid on road trips all over creation. Howard died in the early 1970s. It was a big loss for all of us. We knew what a good man he was.
Looking back, feeling her wisdom within me, I am aware that Josie knew she could never be my mother, or even a substitute for my mother, and also knew that I would never really have a mother. I know that was a source of grief for her long before I understood what was happening. She never once set out to be the next best thing. She only set out to do what she could, to do the obvious, to give what she could, and in truth a lot more.
I have a strong idealistic streak, it's not easy being a writer if you want to eat and have integrity at the same time, and without her I might have given up a long time ago. But who knows. I don't give up easily. Nether did she.
Aunt Josie Forever! ++
Aries Birthdays This Week
NOTE -- In response to a reader question, birthday reports are written, like the horoscope, for the forthcoming week. However, neither life nor astrology are that cut and dried. I think of them as a story that develops and, given the wide-angle view of Sun sign astrology, I tend to think of the birthday reports for an entire month as one story that has something for everyone born under that sign. There are many statements I'll make any one week that could be applicable to anyone for that sign, but which come up one particular week or another based on intuition or some special focus the planets are offering. I would say that if it's your birth month, take the entire month of birthday reports as your own, notice what's offered for your particular week, and work with what works best for you.
As for This Week
Your birthday is in the vicinity of the Libra Full Moon. The Full Moon presents an interesting contradiction, in that it can express division between people, at the same time as express a balancing of energies and the resolution of issues. The message of any Full Moon is that in order to be who we are in relationships, we need to be who we are as individuals first.
As an inner phenomenon, the opposition of the Sun and Moon suggests that the full light of intuition is showing itself as an equal force to the full light of reason and awareness. The Moon waxes and wanes in a fairly rapid cycle. At the time of your birth, it's at its strongest and brightest, suggesting that the other side of your nature -- the one you usually ignore -- is making its presence known in your heart and in the world.
You're going to need this faculty. This is a year of profound re-evaluation, and you have much on your mind. In particular, the issue of whether your relationships, or one particular relationship, fit your values is very much at issue. In one respect, you are together with a person; in another respect, there is a disconnect. You are the one who keeps attempting to bridge that gap, but then, you are often running vanguard and scoping out the new territory with a lot of energy, most of it mental.
I don't suggest you make any fast decisions. It will be worth some cost or seeming sacrifice to let this situation play out, work out and develop. Your own focus is rightfully on your own ideas and ideals, and getting to know yourself in a truly unusual way. In many previous columns over the years I have attempted to advance one particular point, which is the meaning of values. And when I say getting to know yourself, this is specifically what I'm talking about. If you want to know yourself, know what you value. Maybe know why too. It might take a while to get the picture, but it's quite basic, really, and you're in a very good position to learn now.
Values are the underlying principles that guide your entire life. They are as thick as timber beams, but often impossible to define. Part of the difficulty comes from the extent to which the whole idea and experience of values is seized by commercialism, and its predecessor, commercial religion. Commercialism and commercial religion are both designed to infuse us with a set of values that are not our own, in particular, most of which involve self-doubt. It is like living in a dictatorship of what's supposed to be important to you and what you're supposed to do to make it happen. Often, this boils down to the meaning of life being marriage and phone order shopping.
You are beginning to see that your values are much more complicated than this, and the deeper you go, the more contradictions and puzzles you may discover. And as an obvious aspect of this work, you're likely to contrast what you discover about yourself with how you express yourself in your relationships, in particular, primary partnerships. How you related to your siblings is a critical aspect of what's coming out now, and you can make some powerful associations. You are, for one thing, very different than your brothers and sisters, and there have been many reasons why.
While this discovery process is neither going to be simple nor easy, there is a path that's been set for you, and it most certainly leads somewhere vital. Whether it seems like it or not, you are headed toward the life and the connections you seek, but you need to be true to yourself with each step.
It's not that the answers will come; it's that you are growing and changing, heading steadily from concept to reality as these four seasons work their alchemy on you. A great deal will be apparent by autumn, so if you're wondering how long you have to be patient for to see the results of your exploration and decisions, give it about six months: then at least you'll have a clear reason to persist, but in reality who needs that?
Your Planet Waves Weekly Horoscope
Aries (March 20-April 19)
Over the next few days you'll figure out what the argument is really about. It has seemed like a discussion over everything, over nothing, and every shade between. It is awesome, if you ask me, how similar people's positions can be and they can still seem to disagree. It seems there's one point that it's been particularly difficult to be honest about, but that's about a mental block more than the issue being explosive or otherwise dangerous. Give this a few days to resolve, try to keep your cool and please don't make any promises you can't keep. That's another way of saying: no promises.
Taurus (April 19-May 20)
Your viewpoint will continue to reverse itself over the next few days, so much that you may be wondering how it's remotely possible that you could have thought of such a thing, no matter what you just thought. This is far less a matter of opinion and more a matter of where you stand; in fact, it is about the very ground you stand on. That ground is changing. What you understand as the basis of your existence is changing. This is a vulnerable, perhaps scary moment, and it's going to get worse, but it's going to be worth it in the end.
Gemini (May 20-June 21)
This is one of those moments when you discover who your friends are, and it's also when you decide who your friends are. You are certainly in rare form, willing to be more antagonistic than usual, or at least allowing yourself to feel your pent up anger at the world. This may not seem to square with how much love you've got going on, and how valuable you know you can be in the lives of others. The whole foundation of the discussion is how you feel about yourself, which seems to be changing about every ten minutes. So, make your decisions as you will, but leave some room to change your mind as new information emerges.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Pay less attention to the rewards of your work and more attention to what you do and how you do it. True, your compensation does not seem to match your visibility, but you also know what's possible. Potential is usually activated by time, if certain other conditions are met -- and they would appear to be. What you now must do is endure for a little while through various reshufflings of the situation that will serve, in the end, to bring out everyone's true strengths, and make it obvious that you've earned your reputation for leadership.
Leo (July 22-Aug. 23)
Now is the time to stretch. Set aside all disagreements and ignore as many obstacles as you can. Though you may face substantial adversity, you're also blessed with faith and willingness to go beyond what you think of as your limits. What feel like intractable fears have begun to budge, though this is going on so deep within you that you may have yet to notice. And while financial plans could obviously be shaping up better, concentrate on organisation, maintain your focus, and trust that your material bank account will soon match your spiritual one.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
Mind your politics. Whether you reach your current aspirations or just come close depends a lot on how you handle sensitive situations that are now developing. You would be wise to keep certain opinions to yourself for a few days, not only because they might offend someone whose bad side you don't want to be on; rather, because those opinions have little bearing on the matters at hand. Remember that whatever you're doing, there are at least two ways to accomplish it. I suggest you choose the method that consumes less energy, and relies more on attraction and less on persuasion. A little charm is the certain charm.
Libra (Sep. 22-Oct. 23)
The Full Moon in your birth sign is going to free up a lot of energy and give you a taste of being on top of the world, rare enough these days. Take in the view. Issues that were obscured by clouds, fog and the smoke of battle should seem a lot more clearly visible. The time has come to begin thinking entirely beyond the possibilities as you've previously defined them. Over the next few months you are poised to make a century or more of progress, as long as you're willing to give up what you know does not work. Even if you can't be clear about what you want, keep a long list of what you don't want, because you'll soon get to use it.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
Financial matters may be causing you considerable grief at the moment, though you need to keep your eye on the big picture. If you don't see a big picture, then get out your crayons and draw one. Meanwhile, you must keep an emphasis on clear negotiations where money and sex are concerned. If you fear you're getting the short end of the stick, then it's clear that you're giving your power to someone or something else. In that case, you need to look at the situation from a new angle and realise what belongs to you and where you have the authority to make decisions. That and nothing else will reverse your fortunes.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 22)
You are likely to be feeling antagonised by someone who neither understands your feelings nor respects your views -- and this may be someone you presently call a friend or lover. Pay attention and you'll notice someone else on the scene, someone from the past, who possesses and displays considerably more respect for you. But it would seem that for whatever reason you don't quite trust them. I suggest you get clear on who you call a friend and why. One excuse that keeps coming up is that you trust stability, but are the people you wind up trusting actually stable? There are greater virtues in life.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20)
You are quickly heading toward a solution to a seemingly deadlocked situation. It may be that you've put too much emphasis on security and not enough on taking a chance. There are virtues to both, but in the end there is very little security in the world, and its value is mainly psychological. Focus on investigating what you're actually willing to do, and whether you leave yourself room to revise your plans or change your mind. You will need this flexibility, but at the moment it's better to have too much to do rather than too little.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19)
You can capitalise on the current rather shaky conditions of the world around you, which will tend to frighten people who don't know the power of ideas. Ultimately everything is an idea, and people are made up of ideas about themselves. True, they usually see no choice in the matter of what those ideas are, but at the moment, you do have a choice. In fact, you have many choices, and you would be wise to play a little game with yourself and make a few lists of what they are. While you usually struggle with the more basic facts of life -- sex and money, for instance -- both of these are within fairly easy reach, and are seeming rather more virtuous than usual.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Keep your hands on the steering wheel and drive your car. It is true that the conditions in certain key aspects of your life are far from ideal, but you need to take inspiration from your recent successes and remember that you're a survivor. Yes, it's good to thrive, though if you ask me, that's a state of mind. You can start with putting some faith in your ability to persist above rather astronomical odds and remember that much of life is about being strong in the face of adversity. In actual fact, most people go home at the first threat of rain. And in actual fact, they are the ones who miss the rainbow.
