Hi Team,
Below this memo is an example of several quote of the day
transit rewrites, from Francine's original text. This will give you an idea of the kinds of things I tend to change or add to give the piece both its factual presentation and tone. I'll cover quote guidelines in another memo, with the assistance of Tracy Sullivan, who developed the editing style of this portion of the feature.
It is NOT easy to write astrology accessibly, but if you develop good habits, you can get the hang of it. Almost everyone who is reading claims to "know nothing [or very little] about astrology" and this little mental obstacle is what you have to write around. In essence, you have to write and give people the feeling they know what you are talking about, but not do so by making the language overly descriptive. It is done by being clear, and accesing what people already DO know about astrology as best you can. Our readers always know more than they think, but assembling the knowledge into a meaningful whole is the meaningful part.
How to do this well is all in keeping the details clear and well chosen, as well as how the sentences are constructed.
The writing in this section, indeed, all Planet Waves astrology writing, needs to be minimalist and avoid playing on prejudices and astrological cliches. You need to notice when you're doing this in any of your astrological writing. Astrological writing is replete with this stuff and it's nearly invisible because it seems so normal. We are doing something else, which is applying clean, clear style to astrological writing. This does not happen particularly often. One very helpful way to get around this problem is to stick to experience, concrete examples and clear images. We need to remember that Hitler was a Taurus, as was Shakespeare. Archetypes are complex. If you remember that at the outset of astrological writing, you'll do a lot better.
Writing out the transits, in the first instance, what you are going for is accuracy -- and Francine's are just fine in this respect. The tone is more challenging, of course, as is adding background. Accuracy means making sure the New Moon is really the New Moon and not the day before or after. (Please see Time Zone Supplement, below.)
I don't have it down to a science yet explaining how to write out the base transits. Because they often involve minor planets and aspects with which I am not entirely familiar, I am learning just like the readers are, and I choose carefully to avoid overstepping my own knowledge too much.
In terms of keeping it light, and relevant, the question is one of how much detail to add. For example, it is reasonable to say that "Venus makes a series of minor aspects" rather than listing them out. But when in doubt, list them and I'll edit it to more concise terms. You need to think from the viewpoint of a reader; how much information is too much? When does it get boring and meaningless? But then as an editor, you want to make sure that the person doing the final edit has enough information to work with. So, the process of judgment takes time to learn.
And this is of course very different than how you make the finished presentation, where the transits are put into context. This, you can do, by providing factual observations that you do in fact know stand up, when you have them available.
In the future, I request that we write the transits without flourish, just the facts, so we can get very good at that one skill. If you try to add flourish too soon, it will be more difficult to see and master what has to happen on the layers beneath the dressing.
Thanks Francine for allowing us to use your writing as an example.
Please look over my rewrites and see if you can find mistakes or things that could be stated better. One project that the QOD team will be doing is called Eyes On, where all team members will be keeping their eyes on the finished QOD as well as the front pages, and reporting errors.
Thank you!!
Love,
e
(from paris)
cc: writers, via Deirdre
PS Note, the aspect "sesquiquadrate" really has an E on the end -- it is shortened in the aspect listing. It is essential to use the astrology dictionary and look up as much as you can, every time you write. You must fact check as you go, to the extent that resources permit!! As I will get to in my basic reporting memo, the key to being a good journalist is to "know when you don't know." As long as you know when you don't know, you can find out, and you will be brilliant.
Please note other style changes in the revised text; for example, we say the Moon not the moon; Full Moon and not full moon; but we would say "Titan, a moon of Saturn." Note that we write out "degrees," that we say 7th house and not seventh house, and so on. Some of these things are contained in the style guide which we will distribute the first draft of soon. Please cultivate the talent of being a forger and copying the writing style (by style I mean technical style and not the gripping, exquisite, sublime texture of the words themselves :-))
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Supplement on adding background
There are many ways to add background. You can add it as a note at the end, and whoever rewrites can opt to use it or not. One recent example is that the Gemini Full Moon happened to aspect the original axis of the Saturn-Pluto opposition of Aug. 6, 2001. That opposition was personally meaningful for many people and immediately preceded a major world event. I don't expect you to know that, but the longer you do astrology, and study past astrology, the more likely you are to remember these things. And they help make astrological writing both interesting and relevant, by connecting it to personally and culturally meaningful events.
Another thing we can do is work more with the Sabian Symbols. Though too much is not a good idea, for major events these are often helpful. I prefer the Dane Rudhyar version to the Marc Jones version, though it's worth having both books and they are in print and affordable. Dane's is called
An Astrological Mandala.
We need to gather background on planets. Sourcing this material is critical, making sure we have the author and the URL correct with the info. If for example you notice that Radamanthus is involved in some aspects, Google some delineations, and leave them in as notes. I don't like all the ideas that are out there on these planets, but often they contain useful clues or prompt other thoughts. We will be keeping these notes in a separate file maintained by Priya as we build and develop minor planet ideas for use in other projects.
Finally, we can do more with 'famous personages' such as adding birthdates and biographical bits. We have enough hands on this project to devote some resources to it, and it would be a great project for two or three of the writers to assist creating celebrity/notable files well in advance of the current date. Is anyone interested? This would have many uses and be of interest to a considerable number of readers. There will be a number of categories, but principally entertainment, the arts, literature and politics.
Time Zone Supplement
We are writing for readers in all time zones. This is challenging. However, there are reference zones, such as New York, Los Angeles, London and Sydney. Most people in the US know where their time zones is in comparison to New York and LA, and so on. So when saying "today" or "this morning" you need to be careful that what you are writing is comprehensible to people in other zones. This comes with practice. If you refer to Monday's Full Moon, you need to make sure that it's Monday in most zones. If it's overnight and falls on either side of midnight, you can say, "overnight Sunday to Monday." I suggest you get familiar with the time zones, and with various world clock tools to do the calculation. To be an astrology writer you need to not only know, but love, tons of trivia like this.
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Here are the transit write-up examples. Thanks again Francine for allowing us to use your writing as an example.
Original:
Monday, Dec. 4, 2006 | The moon enters Gemini while continuing to build towards tomorrow's Full Moon. Before leaving Scorpio, Mars conjuncts Hylonome and then joins the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter in Sagittarius on Wednesday. Mars also squares Orcus in Leo and forms a sesquiquadrate to the Centaur Asbolus in Aries. The planet of communication and ideas, Mercury in Scorpio, squares the planet of restrictions and limits, Saturn in Leo. There may be a need to show some restraint in communications today as Mercury may be enticed by Scorpio's bluntness to play with Saturn's tempering of Leo's dynamic expression. Venus in Sagittarius and Mercury both form aspects to Chiron in Aquarius -- a semisquare and quintile respectively. The Sun in Sagittarius conjuncts Ixion, and moves closer to tomorrow's quintile with M87 in Libra.
Rewrite:
Monday, Dec. 4, 2006 | This is a remarkably busy day, during a busy time of year. The Moon enters Gemini while continuing to build toward Tuesday's Full Moon, which stretches across the Gemini-Sagittarius axis. Before leaving Scorpio on Wednesday, Mars conjuncts the Centaur planet Hylonome (self-inflicted) and then joins the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter in Sagittarius. Mars also squares Orcus, a distant planet way beyond Pluto, in Leo, and also forms a sesquiquadrate (triggering aspect) to the Centaur planet Asbolus (survival) in Aries. The planet of communication and ideas, Mercury in Scorpio, squares Saturn in Leo. There may be a need to show some restraint in communications today as Mercury may be enticed by Scorpio's bluntness to play with Saturn's tempering of Leo's dynamic expression. In other words, beware of subtle provocation. Venus in Sagittarius and Mercury both form aspects to Chiron in Aquarius. The Sun in Sagittarius conjuncts Ixion, a distant planet with the message, "Everyone is capable of everything.
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Original:
Tuesday, Dec. 5, 2006| A Full Moon takes place today in Gemini, the sign of the Twins. The Earth's source of light makes contact with the Aries point when the Sun in Sagittarius forms a quintile to the massive galaxy in early Libra, M87. The Sun also septiles Centaur Nessus in Aquarius, and makes a semisextile to Amycus in Scorpio. As Mercury edges closer to its departure from Scorpio it makes a semisextile to Pluto in Sagittarius. After its conjunction to Hylonome yesterday in the outer reaches of Scorpio, Mars makes aspects to two minor planets in Libra - a semisextile to Chariklo in Libra, and a semisquare to Rhadamanthus.
Rewrite:
Tuesday, December 5, 2006 | Full Moon in Gemini. Note, this lunation takes place very close to the axis of the Saturn-Pluto oppositions of 2001 and 2002, and could be putting on the Itchy and Scratchy Show recalling some of the vibes, feelings or experiences we had way back when. Sun quintile M87, and septile Nessus. Mercury semisextile Pluto. Mars semisquare Rhadamanthus. As of yesterday, Mercury has left shadow phase, and is heading for Sagittarius. Mars, if you cannot feel it, is at the end of its run through Scorpio and is now about one degree from Sagittarius, where it will immediately form a conjunction to Jupiter. This transit through the end of a cycle is a difficult position for Mars, and Scorpio suggests we will be experiencing it on the emotional level.
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Original:
Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2006 | It's another busy day for the cosmos this week as the Great Attractor and the Galactic Core, two powerful energy centers in Sagittarius, are brought into the picture. The Sun conjuncts the Great Attractor, and Mercury in Scorpio forms a semisextile to the Galactic Center. A waning Moon enters Cancer. Mars, the modern ruler of Scorpio, leaves this sign and takes up residence in Sagittarius and joins the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter. Saturn in Leo stations retrograde until early spring, providing time for us to take a step back and reflect on the structures and limits of our lives. The Sun also trines Asbolus in Aries, semisquares Chariklo in Libra, and septiles Chiron, the wounded healer, in Aquarius.
Rewrite:
Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2006 | It's another busy day in the local cosmos this week as the Great Attractor and the Galactic Core, two powerful energy centers in Sagittarius, are brought into the picture by a series of transits, and the rush of Sagittarius energy continues. The Sun conjuncts the Great Attractor, and Mercury in Scorpio forms a semisextile to the Galactic Center. A waning but still bright (old gibbous) Moon enters Cancer. Mars, the traditional ruler of Scorpio, leaves this sign and takes up residence in Sagittarius, joining the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter.
Saturn in Leo stations retrograde until early spring, providing time for us to take a slow down progress, reflect on what we have accomplished, and consider the inner nature of limits as well as how they seem to manifest in the world. The Sun makes several aspects to Centaur planets, including a trine to Asbolus in Aries, semisquare to Chariklo in Libra, and septile to Chiron in Aquarius.
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Original:
Thursday, Dec. 7, 2006| Following yesterday's dramatic events, today promises to be impressive as well. The moon remains in Cancer throughout the day. The personal planets -- Venus, Mercury, and Mars -- are all making aspects today. Venus in Sagittarius trines a now retrograde Saturn in Leo, and biquintiles Sedna in Taurus. Mercury makes a conjunction with Hylonome in Scorpio before entering Sagittarius tomorrow. The messenger planet also makes a sesquiquadrat to Asbolus in Aries, squares Orcus in Leo, and semisexitles Chariklo in Libra. Mars in Sagittarius sextiles M87 in Libra. The god of war meets the Aries point. The Sun in Sagittarius sextiles Rhadamanthus in Libra. Jupiter in Sagittarius forms a sesquiquadrat to Varuna in Cancer.
Rewrite:
Thursday, Dec. 7, 2006 | The Moon remains in Cancer throughout the day, and is trine its own nodes. The personal planets -- Venus, Mercury, and Mars -- are all making aspects today. For example, Venus in Sagittarius trines a now retrograde Saturn in Leo, and biquintiles Sedna in Taurus. Mercury makes a conjunction with Hylonome in late Scorpio before ingressing Sagittarius tomorrow. The messenger planet also makes aspects to Asbolus, Orcus and Chariklo. Mars in Sagittarius sextiles M87 in Libra and trines the Aries Point. The planets are building to something of a Sagittarius orgasm as we approach a triple conjunction of Mercury, Mars and Jupiter in the 4th degree of Sagittarius. More details are in this week's Planet Waves Weekly, which looks closely at the Sagittarius alignment.
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Original:
Friday, Dec. 8, 2006| The waning Moon leaves Cancer and moves into Leo. Venus in Sagittarius forms two prominent conjunctions -- Pluto (love can be transformed), and later in the day, the Galactic Core. Venus also septiles Neptune in Aquarius. Mercury completes its stay in Scorpio and enters Sagittarius. This mirrors last month's grouping in Scorpio of the Sun, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Mercury -- now in the sign of the Archer. Once in Sagittarius, Mercury sextiles M87 in Libra, following Mars' sextile to this massive galaxy yesterday. The Sun in Sagittarius conjuncts Quaoar and, makes a sesquiduadrat to Thereus in Taurus. Mars in Sagittarius forms a quincunx to Thereus.
Rewrite (short, somewhat rushed):
Friday, December 8, 2006 | Moon enters Leo. Sun conjunct Quaoar. Venus is septile Neptune, and conjuncts Pluto and the Galactic Centre. Mercury enters Sagittarius. Once in Sagittarius, Mercury sextiles the massive galaxy M87 in Libra, following Mars' sextile to this point yesterday. The Sun in Sagittarius conjuncts Quaoar, a planet associated with family patterns, and, makes a sesquiduadrate to Thereus in Taurus.
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Saturday, Dec. 9, 2006 | The Moon remains in Leo throughout the day, and continues moving towards a conjunction with Saturn. This particular aspect also happens to be an occultation, which occurs when the Moon makes an exact eclipse of a planet. Basically, the Moon will be covering Saturn. The Sun in Sagittarius sextiles Neptune in Aquarius. Venus, rounding out her stay in Sagittarius, septiles Huya in Scorpio. Mercury in Sagittarius forms a quincunx to the Centaur Thereus in Taurus. The energy continues to build for the triple conjunction of Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter early next week.
Rewrite:
Saturday, Dec. 9, 2006 | The Moon is in Leo throughout the day approaching its conjunction to Saturn, which will happen tomorrow. This aspect will be an occultation, an exact eclipse of a planet by the Moon; Saturn will disappear behind the Moon. Today, the Sun in Sagittarius sextiles Neptune in Aquarius. Venus, now at 27 degrees Sagittarius and completing its conjunction to the Galactic Core, septiles Huya in Scorpio. Mercury in Sagittarius forms a quincunx to the Thereus, a Cenaur planet, in Taurus. The energy continues to build for the triple conjunction of Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter which is in full effect now and which is exact Sunday and Monday.
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Sunday, Dec. 10, 2006 | The Moon conjuncts Saturn, forming an occultation (mini eclipse), before moving into Virgo. Mercury conjuncts Mars then Jupiter in Sagittarius -- a preview of tomorrow's triple conjunction when Mars meets Jupiter, with Mercury maintaining close contact with both at around 4 degrees Sagittarius. Can you feel it? Varuna in Cancer is aspected by the Sun (quincunx) and the Mercury/Mars conjunction (sesquiquadrat). Venus, in the last degrees of Sagittarius, trines Orcus in Leo, and quintiles Uranus in Pisces.
Deirdre's first draft::
Sunday, Dec. 10, 2006 | Early Sunday morning, Mercury conjuncts Mars at 2°45” of Sagittarius. Just before noon Universal Time is when the Moon conjuncts retrograding Saturn and forms an occultation. Five hours later, Mercury conjuncts Jupiter at 3°39” Sagittarius. Mars is not far away at 3°10” nor is Pholus at 4°28”. Venus, in the last degree of Sagittarius today, trines Orca in Leo and quintiles Uranus. Adding method to this madness, Moon enters Virgo at 9:31 in the evening.
Eric's Rewrite::
Sunday, Dec. 10, 2006 | Early Sunday morning, Mercury conjoined Mars at 2 degrees and 45 minutes of Sagittarius. Just before noon Universal Time is when the Moon conjuncts retrograding Saturn and forms an occultation in Leo, one of many we will experience over the next year in an unusual planetary pattern of the Moon occulting Saturn nearly every month.
Five hours later, Mercury conjoins Jupiter at three degrees and 39 minutes of Sagittarius. Mars and Pholus are within one degree, and there will be a sequence of exact conjunctions to Pholus by Mercury, Mars and Jupiter into next week. Venus, in the last degree of Sagittarius today, trines Orcus in Leo and quintiles Uranus. Adding method to this extraordinarily interesting madness, the Moon experiences a brief void of course and enters Virgo at 9:31 pm UT (afternoon in the United States). The Sagittarius alignment is covered in the subscriber edition, portions of which are reprinted for the public on page two.
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